Waiting on Amazon Prime to send my Husband

So after dating in these DMV area streets and being in the online dating streets, I decided that I needed to look into a tried and true method for getting things delivered: Amazon Prime.

Usually, when folks ask where the men are, I usually say they are at Target in the Clearance section.  Just because you don’t see their value initially doesn’t mean they aren’t everything you wanted.  The issue is that EVERYONE stays in Target.  So, by the time I get to end caps…all the husbands are gone.

So, the most convenient thing on the planet right now is Amazon Prime, so I’ll go there.  I don’t believe they have husbands in stock JUST YET.  I have my alerts on for when they are available, so I’ll be sure to let yall know (after mine gets here, though).  So, why am I going with Amazon?

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They offer Same Day, One Day, and Two Day Shipping. 

I’m sure all of these will be available for me because I know my husband will need to be local.  I’m not really going to be searching for long distance relationships so I’ll be sure to add that to my filter.

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They have reviews with pictures and videos

I mean with such an endeavor, I’m sure there will be a bevy of reviews and facts on these potential husbands.  There will be good pictures (not the horrible ones on online dating sites) and some real deal information on them.  I mean, they will likely already be scanned for general fuckshit because they are potential husbands.  No guys here that are just playing games.

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The return policy is excellent! 

Amazon has a great return policy and they are serious about their customer service.  I’m sure if I have any troubles, I can just figure something out with them.  With something like this, it’s sure to come with a warranty or free maintenance.

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 They are studying us anyway

Since they are already scouring our data for advertisements, they can clearly use that information to narrow me down a suitable partner.  I mean, if they know that I was watching a periscope about Moscow Mules and they felt they needed to show me an ad for copper mugs on FB later…they need to use that for good…well MORE good.

So what kind of things should Amazon but in the filter to make sure you order your perfect husband (wives I’m sure will be available shortly after)?